Today what I am mostly longing for is my bed... Do you have those days? Where a forbidden nap sounds like the best way to fill your afternoon, but your list of Must-Do and Should-Have-Done-A-Week-Ago is continuing to pile all around you!
Well, this is what I woke up to this morning and I HAD to take a picture.
I want to snuggle in and sleep the day away because the fall season contains moments of pure exhaustion, busy schedules, and a ready-to-retreat mentality... YES, some of those things feel true today, but mostly I am in AWE of WHO God is, and what HE ALONE is doing!!! The Lord is showing up, and He is SHOWING Off!!! And as completely inviting as a nap sounds I crave that more!
People ask me before I speak if I still get nervous… The short answer is HECK YES!!! Are YOU kidding me??? I would like to fall into a hole when I think about speaking or being in front of people! Honestly, every.SINGLE.time. Before I do anything in front of a group, I imagine ALL of the things that could happen to make the whole "getting on stage thing" disappear... TRULY!!!
At a Young Life Banquet this past week I was pacing (yes, I am a pacer)... It helps me center myself in the Lord... I am reminded of truth, grace, and love as I pace circles in public places, bathrooms, behind stage, or closets... Really wherever I can find (I truly can't sit still before I speak). God's truth washes over me as I pace. I ask repeatedly that He would be WITH me, that I would Hear His Voice, and that this would be for His Glory! On this night, pacing around in my circle, I saw the fire alarm RIGHT in front of me... There was a very serious part of me that thought about just PULLING that thing! My immediate NEXT thought was... Can I go to jail for that??? I mean we would HAVE to Evacuate! People would panic, and I could slip out the back... Right??? Driving away at a VERY high rate of speed I could just give the talk to MYSELF in the car... It's practically the SAME thing... RIGHT LORD???
At the very moment my imagination was starting to run WILD... which tends to happen pretty frequently... and in the midst of my swirling thoughts, a woman approached me and asked if my hair was Real (a question I get MORE often then you would think is humanly possible)...
I quickly said, "Yes, naturally curly, red, and huge!" I laughed, and so did she.
And then I looked right to the Lord and said, "I see YOU"... I see you Jesus, pulling me right back to YOU! God says to EACH of us I have DESIGNED YOU... I, the LORD, have created YOU! FOR GOOD Works... Now be courageous WITH ME!
It sounds strange, a woman asking about my hair reminded me WHO was Lord of my life, but truly I could see God in that interaction, sweetly whispering to me, "I am Here. YOU, Kelsey, are Mine! DESIGNED with hilarious, giant, red, curly hair... USED for MY GLORY, My GOODNESS Here on Earth! NOW GO!!! Be COURAGEOUS!!!"
I have spoken 6 times in the past 8 days... And EACH time my heart pounds and I want to sink slowly into a place where I am not seen, not heard, not known! And then at some point I WATCH Jesus show up!!! At that moment I feel the loss of pressure to perform, and instead the JOY of being invited to stand NEXT to my God... and listen to what He has to say!!! It happens differently every time, but IT happens.
In Joshua 1:9, the Lord says, "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
I want to live in that tension... That in EVERY way, and in EVERY single thing I do I NEED God to show up that BIG!!! I need to trust God WITH ALL I am! I desire to live in every moment WITH Courage I cannot possibly do this without Him, and I wouldn't dare try!
Today would you pray WITH me that God continues to show up... that God shows off... that WE would be AWARE of His presence today! That in His Calling to be COURAGEOUS we wouldn't just RUN to fire alarms, but instead we would pace in His presence!
Pacing in His Presence is WHAT God is calling, asking, challenging us to do WITH Him!!! Seeking HIS face first... I am designed and created to share... that does not mean there is an absence of fear, but instead I stand FIRM on my Foundation that God is WITH Me, FOR Me, and has gone AHEAD of Me!
What does that look like for you???
Where do you see the uniqueness of YOU standing next to the God that has made you for THAT very reason??? Fearful maybe, but seeking Courage to STAND NEXT to the God of the Universe!
Dear Friend, I will pray for US today that we will LIVE in such a courageous way where WE Need GOD, and celebrate WHEN He shows UP and CLEARLY Shows OFF!!!
After all, that's when Pacing in His Presence quickly TURNS to DANCING!!!